4.17.2012

unicorns, sangria and jesus.

when i did this post last week, a lot of you commented that you can relate to the "losing my identity" statement.
in one way, it made me feel encouraged---knowing i'm not the only one.
in another way, it made me feel sad---is this what's supposed to happen to us once we become moms?  we become another person?
we forget who we were before we had kids, because we're so busy taking care of those kids?
regardless of the amount of children we have, we can all fall into the trap of not knowing who we are anymore.
 i like what katie said:
"I was reminded recently by someone much wiser than me that although my vocation has changed, my calling remains the same. And that is to love Jesus and serve others. Married or single, babies or no babies, career or homemaker...our calling never changes. Remembering that helps me hold fast to the truth that Jesus is my identity."
amen, right?
my identity is in christ.
serving him is my greatest purpose on this earth.
not blogging, or taking pictures...not even taking care of my beautiful babies (although i will make that very high on my priority list).
 i think a part of me feeling like i'm losing myself is because of the lack of time i actually get to myself.
i mean, i can't even go to the bathroom without someone knocking on the door, wondering what i'm doing.
well hullo, i'm going to the bathroom.  most of the time.  sometimes i just sit in their with my iPhone or a glass of sangria to ease my pain.

look, i love my babies so much.
so much so that i need time away from them so that i can recharge.
i have worked my entire 8 years of being a mom, at having a rest time every afternoon.
{see what our rest time looks like here}
and most days, i get that---it's usually interrupted, and generally never looks 100% how i'd like it to look.
but even if it did, what good would it do me to have a rest time to recharge, if spiritually, i'm dry.
when my best friend wrote this post, i basically felt like she was taking her bible and slapping me across the face with it---19 times.
it was a good reminder though and exactly what i needed.
if i'd like to recharge and claim back my identity, then i need jesus.
just so you know, time to ourselves is a good thing.
i heard the DJ on the christian radio station this morning say "my husband and i have had like 2 dates in the last few years because we both just love being around our 2 kids!"
i'm all, "huh?"
really?
it's my opinion that if you love your kids that much, then you're crazy.
no, just kidding.  sort of.
but really though...mamas, you need time to yourself...time with your husband WITHOUT children around.
how nice is it to sit at dinner and actually eat, instead of cutting up other peoples food?
amen, that's like right up there with a unicorn in the happiness department.
if we can be consistent about getting this time to ourselves, maybe, just maybe...we can remember who we are.
we are beautiful, strong, courageous, wonderful women...whom jesus adores.
so, step one in reclaiming our identity?
make time for jesus and ourselves.

our identity can only be found in christ.
through him he's going to help us remember what our purpose is on this earth...and he's going to help us fulfill it.  that's a promise.

48 comments:

  1. I have absolutely nothing to add, because you said it way better than I could have. Amen!

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  2. just found you through gussy sews and spent like the last 15 minutes looking through your blog posts! you have a BEAUTIFUL family and i love your writing style - you are hilarious! i am a mama of one and it's hard enough, i can't imagine having 6!! serious props to you!!! your little olive is such a sweet cheeks, i want to eat her up (but i won't, i know that sounds creepy haha)!!

    xo,
    sandy
    http://www.sandyalamode.com/

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  3. katie that was wonderful!! this is greatt(:

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  4. You a brilliant, Mrs Anderson. Great post!

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  5. You a brilliant, Mrs Anderson. Great post!

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  6. This was a blessing to me this morning Emily!! And Amen for little moments in the day to lock myself in the bathroom with my iPhone. Holla!

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  7. Wow, thanks for your words, Emily. I know Jesus has been whispering (maybe yelling) to me reminding me to make sure I link in with Him each day, spending time with Him, reading the Bible...not because I 'should' but because He wants to fill me with all I need for each day and remind me who I am to Him. But each day it seems like I get up just when our girls are waking, then, while having good intentions to give Him time, I just go from one thing to the other with meals, laundry, blog-reading etc..and get to the end having not done that...again. ANYWAY, today it seems like everywhere I'm reading the message is the same! I'm just reading your friend's words and they voice my own. Thanks again for the challenge and reminder.

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  8. Geez girl, what a beautiful post! I have to keep reminding myself of this every day.

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  9. I have to say I relate to most of your posts. There is a part in 'Date Night' where Fey says, "I just wanna check into a random hotel by myself and read a book and sleep...and drink my own sprite." I feel like this a lot. I def think it's normal.
    On another note, I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award on my last post. I love reading your material - your life- and I wanted to share it with my other friends. xox

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  10. so so so true. people that make comments about loving their kids so much they don't want to leave them...uh, wha? i go out with friends at least a couple of times a month, it is my recharge! we go out to dinner or to a movie or grab a dessert(or all three) and its so wonderful to talk with my fellow mama friends. and i also encourage my husband to do the same. and then there is also date nights that are so important, one on one time with the hubs. without those times away, i think parents can go a little cuckoo! :) of course we love our kids, but like you said, if we really love them, we need to take care of ourselves too. great post!

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  11. I always laugh when I leave a comment on a blog and it asks me to "choose an identity". If only it were that easy. (I wish their were more choices than google and anonymous!)

    but it is easy. you are right. the answer to any difficult question? JESUS.

    I have four kids...13, 11, 8 and 5 (and 1 little one in heaven). It took me 12 years of that mothering to realize who I was. All those times I felt lost and alone and didn't recognize my reflection in the mirror...they were the days I forgot about Jesus.
    If I lose sight of Him, my entire self scatters.

    all that said, I'd love to join you in the bathroom for a glass of sangria. Can I bring chips and salsa too,?

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  12. Yes, time away is so important. We didn't have anyone to help us when ours were little. Then after we adopted a special needs child we soon found out how important that time away would be. If I was close I'd offer to babysit for you. I would love it.
    When you spoke of bathroom time alone......this memory surfaced.
    I was in the bathroom when my kids were little. Sitting on the lu. In walks the neighbor boy. He doesn't bat an eye. He asks me to tie his shoe......hah.
    You have such a wonderful family and I love hearing all about them.

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  13. I was one of those who related to your "losing identity" statement... Thank you for this post. SUCH a great reminder. I had my routine before my son was born, and he flipped everything upside down. Now I've finally figured out how to connect with God again in the mornings before I really start the day. I like your mandatory rest time. :) I need to tell myself not to feel guilty for resting - I NEED that time. :) Yay for date nights, too. A friend and I are trading babysitting to make sure this happens in our marriages. Okay, novel comment over.

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  14. Right on Sister. It's so difficult to find a time to breathe, much less digging into the word every day. Jesus first. Wiping butts second. That's my rule ;)

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  15. Man, I feel you on the time away alone and with your spouse! We try to do dates every week. Most weeks that's putting kids to bed extra early and eating without them and sometimes it's a real date night. A lot of our friends say that we are supposed to be parents now and dates just aren't important. I wholeheartedly disagree. I love my kids like crazy, but I need time away. I don't think that means I love them any less then the friends who never ever ever choose time alone over time with their kids!

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  16. I really loved this post. Thanks for being real. I'm about to have my 2nd babe any minute so this was really good for me to read before my world changes again. ;)

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  17. Thank you for this post Emily. I loved it - it resonated with me. As a mother of 4, soon to be 5, I know how easy it is to feel lost. I loved what your friend said about our calling. I think as mothers of young ones, our calling to serve is to serve our kids (among others, but they are the main priority). God gave them to us to care for them, so serving them is serving Him. It was so helpful during this chaotic season of life to be reminded of that.
    Also, loved the unicorn comment. Literally laughed out loud! : )

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  18. Amen sister! That alone time is so important and I have such respect for you for being hard core about it! I especially admire that make sure your kiddos know that it's an important time for MAMA.

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  19. nothing to add, i just really really loved this post.

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  20. Thank you for sharing! I struggle with this also and it makes me feel less crazy knowing there are other women going through the same thing. I try to vent/explain to my husband how I'm feeling, but he just doesn't understand.. And let's face it, men never will. Haha Thanks again!

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  21. Just found your blog through your guest post over at Gussy Sews. This post is amazing and speaks right to my heart - it's exactly where I am, trying to take time for myself, to recharge, and remember to please One, love all.

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  22. Amen, amen! What a beautiful reminder. Thank you! Although I am not a Mom yet, growing up as the oldest of six, understand the craziness of family...especially big families. Bit his is important for everyone. Thank you!
    Btw...I found your blog via Gussy Sews and am following along now! =)
    Alesha <3

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  23. This post was so.right.on. I, too, struggled for several years with "who I am" now that I stay home with my kids and didn't feel like I had a true "purpose" outside of motherhood. God revealed to me that right now, in this season of my life, I am serving Him by serving my family - raising them up in the ways of the Lord rather than the ways of the world. This doesn't mean I don't feel called to serve Him in other ways but right now this His purpose for me and I can do so now with a joyful heart (most of the time - the other times, I too hide in the bathroom! :) ) You are right - if we look to His Word for the answer to this question, it's all right there. We are loved, cherished, daughters of the King. Making time for my time with Him is a priority - its the only way to stay on track and see myself as He sees me.
    God bless you and your beautiful family!

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  24. I always feel a little bugged by people who say they love their kids too much to be away from them because it sounds like they're saying I don't love my kids as much if I enjoy a night out.
    I also think it's sooooo important to have date nights with my husband so we can connect on a regular basis. Our kids are going to grow up and leave our home, but I want to grow old with my husband. I certainly don't want to look at him in 18 years and say, "Now who are you again?"
    Thanks for this post!

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  25. Oh I needed to hear this.... (and bonus, I love Sangria. When you get here we're totally having a glass together.)

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  26. what an amazing post. thank you.

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  27. Amen, sweet friend. I pray we are reminded of this every single day!

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  28. Hello!
    I write from Madrid (Spain). I found your blog by accident. I love all your posts. They inspire me. Thank you for this post.

    Kisses from Spain and sorry for my English.

    Maria

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  29. I have goosebumps so good to read this! Our sermon on Sunday was all about our identity in Christ too. I do need to hear this over and over again until one day it sticks:) So good how God talks through your writing I love that and love you:)

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  30. amen, emily. wise words here. THANK YOU.
    i am desperate for some time, this season is difficult, but i see hope for more babysitting/respite options on the horizon!

    thanks for reminding me of where my true self lies, my identity is in christ. especially helpful to marinate in this truth during this waiting time for me.

    i just love you. xo

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  31. Perfect, Emily. This is so right on. Whatever situation anyone may be in, their identity is safe & sound in Jesus. I think of this same issue that moms face, when I see men retiring from the lifelong career, or when an elderly person can longer do all the things that they thought were "them". We will always have parts of us that seem a little lost, maybe folks around us have no idea about all our facets. But, Jesus does! He knows us!

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  32. Thanks for reminding me (AGAIN)why it is that you're my all-time favorite blogger. Not that I needed reminding, btw. I mean, seriously, how could I forget? Not. possible.

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  33. I feel like this is a common thread running through momma veins this past month! I've chosen to stop hiding behind all my labels, embrace who I am in Christ Jesus and this month my world has opened up more than I could imagine. I loved this post Emily! Thank you!

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  34. Amen to all of that! I find so much joy in having some time alone to do whatever I want to do. I make "girls night" a priority, because hanging out with girlfriends and a glass of wine is a necessity for my sanity. I would choose a date night with my Hubby over anything else. Period. We need that as a couple, and I'm so thankful that I would still rather spend time with him than my children. In 20 years from now, we will be empty nesters and we need to still have a relationship.

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  35. Yes & amen! Such wise & yet relatable words of wisdom! I've been trying to find other ways to feel myself than time without my kids cause that is few & far between these days.

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  36. i couldn't agree more. :)

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  37. This is beautiful and what better than to have our identity in Jesus. He is the only reason we are here.

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  38. This is beautiful and what better than to have our identity in Jesus. He is the only reason we are here.

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  39. thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing this!

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  40. This is just what I needed right now. I've got to say I feel like I'm a little lost. More so now than I've been in a long time. And when I was getting to the end of Jami's post, I thought about not even knowing where to start and then there it was--her reading plan. Thank you both!

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  41. Excellent! Thanks for writing this! It is easy to get our priorities mixed up when overwhelmed by motherhood. One of the main things that makes us different from the world is that our identity is in Christ who came not to be served but to serve. It is a great reminder that when we lose sight of who we are in Jesus we risk losing everything that really matters. I also agree that alone time is VERY important for your sanity too!! :)

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  42. Very well said.

    I don't have kids yet, so I think the same could be said about husbands! I love my husband to death, but sometimes I just need some "me-time" :)

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  43. Waiting for a post about how stay-at-home moms work too---re: the Hilary Rosen then Bill Maher bashing of Anne Romney's decision to stay home and take care of her 5 boys instead of working outside the home. I'm sure you've got some great insight and some words regarding that!!! :-)
    Too bad we feel we have to tear others down to build ourselves up, huh? I just wish everyone could recognize being a parent is hard work, period--regardless of employment status.

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  44. I was reading a parenting book recently (the name of which escapes me), but it talked about how our children ARE our identity. Second to our relationship with Christ and our men- as moms we find our identity in our children because they are "our people". And so, we are still the same women (at the core) that we were prior to becoming moms, but these little ones change us and open us to new things so that we do become another person. Our identity changes. We haven't lost ourselves, we've found ourselves. Does that make sense? It encouraged me.. hope it does for you!! Love your post.

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